Smog and I were on good terms that day. (good for us anyway.) You could call us “passionate.” We did it like twice before we rolled out of bed, and then we got into the shower together. It was all mindless, there were no cheesy exchanges of “I love you’s” or anything. Just skin on skin, baby.
After our shower, we both went our separate ways. Smog went out the door without so much as a goodbye, and I flopped down on my couch. The times right after I got out of the shower were usually the times when I realized everything in my apartment smelled pungent, like cigarette smoke and skunky, chinese food weed combined. I wouldn’t call it “pleasant” but I’ve lived with it so long it’s hard to imagine any other smell. I was sitting there with this itching feeling in my fingertips and in my throat, I had a headache too. It’d probably only been seventeen or eightteen hours since I’d last smoked, but it was hitting me hard.
But anyway, I was just sitting there trying to be as still as possible and wait for Smog to get back, when my phone rang. It was my home phone, so it made this awful piercing ring, so you can guess I was off my couch in .02 seconds. But I guess it was a wrong number, cause as soon as I got to the phone it stopped ringing. I had this weird feeling though, so I stood by the phone and waited for it to ring again.
Sure enough, seconds later, it rang again. This time it was even more shrill and piercing, and it was off the hook in a millisecond.
“Hello??” I don’t know why I was so frantic. I needed something for sure, but I didn’t know what.
“Reeenaaa! Heeeyy!” She hiccuped, and for a second I heard the sound of people talking in the background, and faint music. This was the unmistakable, beautiful voice of Abysnth Marina, my best friend.
“Marina! What’s up?” I tried to be quiet because talking was hurting my own ears.
“Ohh nothing, girrllyy. Jus-over at Apes’s place havin’ some funn!” She was slurring a little bit, definitely drunk. And it was only three.
“Listen, Renaa! It’s Apes’s birtff’ay tonight at that club you just looove. So I want you to scoot on over there later, ‘kay? like tennn?”
“Yeah Marina, definitely. I swear I’m having like, withdrawal symptoms already. I totally need a good party.”
“Wow, girl! we were jusssmokin’ yesserday!” And then she just giggled for a minute. “Man, I am soooo fucked up right now.”
I laughed, I loved this girl for sure. “Yeah, Marina. I can tell. You’re a pretty obvious drunk. I can barely understand a word you’re saying.”
There was some shuffling on the other end and then some guy, I think Apes yelling in my ear on the other end. “WOO! Reennaaa, my girl, am I excited to see youu!”
“It’s only been a day, Apes, chill. Happy birthday, how old are you like sixty?”
he laughed for what felt like an hour. He was definitely drunk too. “No, no. A gentlemen doesn’t tell his age!”
“Oh, you dork. I’ll just talk to you later.”
“Oh, oh wait! Rena, I got Smog getting me some acid, you up for a good night?”
“Hell yes!” I bet my eyes were sparkling. There was more shuffling on the other end, I could hear Apes laughing and Marina yelling at him, probably to give her back her phone, and then the line went dead and this time I didn’t get a call back.
Those six hours went by fast, especially after Smog came home and helped scratch my itch. I got all dolled up to go to the party, and Smog waited for me impatiently.
“Wow, what a hot piece of ass you are.” He wiggled his eyebrows.
“Oh please, you’re not getting any of this till like, tomorrow.” I teased, and he pretended to look heartbroken. “Aww, babyy.”
I just laughed, and dragged him out of the apartment with me.
~o~
Back then, I would have never admitted to anyone how utterly and desperately addicted I was to getting high. I needed to keep myself out of my own brain, because my own thoughts scared me. If I wasn’t high, I was suicidal. And high was much better than that.
It irks me now, thinking back to that party where I was so obsessed with the thought of getting high that I kept myself from having any fun until them. I only let people waste my time dancing and having drinks because I knew I wasn’t getting any acid until Apes wanted it. I never would have acknowledged even to myself how slimy I was, but I didn’t get the benefit of hindsight.
~o~
When I got to the party, I was brimming with excitement. I quickly hugged Marina and Apes and a couple of other people I’d met before, but whose names I didn’t remember. It didn’t matter to me, they weren’t doing anything for me.
Me and Marina giggled about Apes becoming an “old” man, She bantered drunkenly with him and I could tell there was something going on there. They’d never admit it though. Our group had been stagnantly together since high school, and everyone had dated everyone else at least once. Even Marina and I.
We partied awhile longer, Apes finally gave out the tabs right before he blew out his birthday candles, and when he put out that fire, mine started. It was like an immediate thing, just one switch and there I was, flying high.
Everything was all warped and discolored, and I was so numb I couldn’t tell you whether I was laughing or crying, but I knew that I was at least having a good time. I vaguely knew that I was still at the party, and that it was late and that Smog had already left but Apes and Marina were still there. I decided to leave, but as I did I suddenly felt nauseous. I remember puking on the sidewalk before blacking out.
